


Yellow Tulips

by Escrovisck



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Escrovisck/pseuds/Escrovisck
Summary: The world stopped. Your friends, the cheers of celebration, everything. It was like a movie scene. In one moment, everyone was talking, in the next, everything around you was losing its color. It was silent and in black and white, like one of the old films you like so much. And then there's her. Across the room, under an imaginary searchlight that exists only for her, smiling in your direction. The most beautiful smile in the world, the smile you love so much. She is your world, your everything. But it also loses its color, slowly like an old photograph. And suddenly she doesn't smile at you anymore and doesn't see you anymore.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Andrea Rojas, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor/Andrea Rojas
Comments: 10
Kudos: 42





	Yellow Tulips

**Author's Note:**

> I asked a friend to review everything, but if something is wrong, please let me know.
> 
> SHINee's "If You Love Her" was the inspiration for this plot.

The world stopped. Your friends, the cheers of celebration, everything. It was like a movie scene. In one moment, everyone was talking, in the next, everything around you was losing its color. It was silent and in black and white, like one of the old films you like so much. And then there's her. Across the room, under an imaginary searchlight that exists only for her, smiling in your direction. The most beautiful smile in the world, the smile you love so much. She is your world, your everything. But it also loses its color, slowly like an old photograph. And suddenly she doesn't smile at you anymore and doesn't see you anymore.

Then the world begins to go around and around again. Your friends start to celebrate again. And the noise of a champagne bottle being opened is so loud, for a moment, you think you have gone deaf.

— Congratulations to the couple — your sister screams. Why her? Of all the people there, why is she? It doesn't matter, nothing else matters.

Everyone raises their glasses, except you, who don't even notice. And everyone looks at you, waiting. And you smile, or you think your smile, and raise your glass and you look at her, who is not looking at you. Everything begins to so hurt. Why does it hurt so much? Love shouldn't hurt like that... _Love_ , the word floats around in your mind. That's why it hurts. It's because you love her, but she doesn't love you, not like that. She loves someone else and she is going to marry someone else. She's with someone else. And you… what's left for you? Nothing. You feel like you want to run away and hide. 

And that is what you do. You sneak out, nobody notices because all their eyes are on the happy couple and that's all that matters. And you are far away when you hear someone calling you. You recognize the voice. You hate that voice. You don't hate that voice. You hate yourself for not being able to hate that voice.

— Kara — the voice shouts again. You don't want to turn around, but you do, because you need to. Why do you need to?

— Hi — you say bluntly. Feeling like being somewhere else than at her party. You want to disappear. But she won't let you go.

— Did something happen? Why are you already going? — she smiles which stings your heart. It hurts. Why does her smile hurt so much?

— It's nothing, just a headache — a lie. It is not the head that hurts. It is the heart, your existence. You want to disappear. Cease to exist. Why is it so hard?

— Do you want some medicine or something? — she asks worriedly. Who does she think she is to be worried? Who does she think she is to go after you?

— I'm fine, I just need to lie down — there goes another lie. It's the second lie of the night.

— Okay… — she looks sad. She shouldn't be sad.

— Hey, why are you sad? Today is your big night — you smile weakly. You want to cheer her up. You can't bear to see her sad.

— You're right — she smirks. It is painful to see, but for different reasons. Not that it matters, because it still hurts the same way. — And that's why I'm here. Do you want to be my Maid of Honor? — her smile increases as well as the pain in your chest increases.

Why you? Among all the people who are at the party, why did she choose you? You who want to run away from her and her happiness. You are hurt in a way that no one can ever see. Why you…?

— Why me…? — the words escape in a painful whisper.

— Because you are my best friend and I love you — she smiles again and somehow it is even more painful than the other times. This is a joke, a game. A cruel and sadistic game from which you cannot win. You can't get out alive.

She waits for your answer. The seconds feel like years. Wanting to refuse no, you need to refuse. But you can't. Not while she looks at you with those big and bright green eyes, full of expectation and certainty, because she knows that you will accept. Because you will, you have to. She is your best friend. Your best friend that you love more than anything in this life and never, not even a million years, could you refuse something that she asked you with so much affection... _Affection_ , it's just what she feels for you. And it was great for a while, but now it sounds like a cruel joke.

You laugh. Not for her, not with her, but at yourself. Laugh at the pathetic person you turned out to be. Of the small, insignificant human being you have become. When did this happen? Ten, fifteen minutes ago? Was that when she made the announcement? Or when she started dating and you secretly wanted it to end? It doesn't matter, it happened. And now you are just a shadow, a pathetic, insignificant, small and cowardly shadow. Yes, a coward. Because you had dozens of chances to ask her out. Dozens of chances to declare yourself. Dozens of chances to make her see you as something else. Dozens of chances that were wasted. You have waited a long time and now all that remains is to suffer in silence. Because you can't let anyone know that, ever. Especially her, because it would end her and you would never forgive yourself for making her cry.

— I accept — you say at last. She hugs you and for a moment it feels like paradise. And you allow yourself to hug her back. And in your head this is a goodbye. Goodbye to the life you created together, goodbye to your idea of it. A goodbye to the love that at that moment hurts so much in your chest. From now on, everything will change. Maybe it changes quickly, maybe slowly. You don't know, all you know is that nothing will ever be the same.

— Lena — the first change appears. So beautiful, so happy. Calling her’s bride from the beginning of the corridor. Lena separates from you and for a second you thought you were going to fall. Feeling your world crumble completely. She turns to the voice in the corridor, to her bride. And your smile grows, in a way that never happened to you. — Everyone is waiting for you. You come? And you, Kara? — the first change smiles in your direction. Who does she think she is? What gave her the right to smile at you? You hate her. You don't hate her. You hate yourself for not being able to hate her.

— Ka…? — Lena looks at you one last time. With her big green irises, shining in supplication. You want to go back, you want to reconsider your escape. But then you look over her shoulder and you see the first change. And you want distance. So you just shake your head. — Okay… — she sighs, sad. Why is she sad? She places a kiss on your cheek and runs over to the first change.

— Goodbye Kara! — the first change says.

— Goodbye Andrea... — your voice is weak, but they don't hear it. .

— Bye Ka! — Lena says, looking at you one last time before disappearing around the corner.

— Bye... — you say to no one. You are alone. You feel alone. You want to vanish. Like not existing at all. You want to go home and cry. So this is what you do. You take a taxi. You get home. You sit on the bed. You wait for something that never comes and then you cry. You cry like you've never done before. You cry because it hurts. You cry for you, not for her, for you. You cry until you forget why you're crying. And then you sleep. And don't dream. Because dreams are for people who have hope and at that moment you have nothing else. Only pain. Just the endless pain that is stuck in your chest. 

* * *

As the days go by. You isolate yourself. Nobody notices. Because you're good at hiding, you're good at pretending with a smile on your face. And that is sad, absurdly sad.

— And this one? — Lena's voice drags you out of your thoughts. She is trying on dresses. And you are helping. Because that's what Maid of Honor does. — What did you think? — her eyes shine, waiting for approval. You can see on her face that this is the favorite. It is not one of the ten that she has tried, nor the seven that are still in line. It is this and only this. And she looks beautiful. Obscenely beautiful. And happy, Goddess, how happy she is. And you... you try, for her.

— Perfect — you smile. It is not a big smile or a light smile like the smile you used to give, but it is a smile. And it doesn't even hurt... so much.

— So, I'll take this one — she informed you happily. So, so happy.

* * *

— I like tulips — Andrea says. Lena is not there, emergency at work. So you two left. You are choosing flowers. Andrea doesn't understand anything. — I like the yellow ones.

You laugh and she stares at you, confused. Andrea is always confused around you. But it is not her fault. It's just you being you. Existing on a different plane, getting lost in thoughts and laughing at them regardless of whether, theoretically, you are in the middle of a conversation with four more people. Andrea is not to blame if you don't pay attention to anything, especially her.

— You can't have yellow tulips at your wedding — you explain. Andrea is still confused. The florist who accompanies you is also confused. You sigh, rub your head and let a nasal laugh escape. — Yellow tulips symbolize friendship… and love without a future, rejected… — you whisper the last part. And suddenly the idea of Andrea having yellow tulips at the wedding doesn't seem so much fun.

— No yellow tulips then — she jokes. She thinks everything is fun. Perhaps, if you were in her shoes, you would also find it. — Thank you, you saved me from one. Lena is lucky to have you as a friend — she gives you a light slap on the back and continues with the florist.

You stay. Staring at the yellow tulips. The word _friend_ echoes in your head. Bitter. You hate that word, you hate it. You feel another part of yourself breaking. How many parts has it been? Is there anything left of you?

* * *

It's the bachelor party. You want to leave. But you can't, it's your home. Why did it have to be your home? They're all drunk. Except you, you cannot afford to lose your senses, to let go. Not with so much stuck inside. You are a bomb and drinking would be like lighting the wick.

— Let's Play! — your sister screams. She is clearly drunk, worse than all. And so cheerful. Why is she so happy? How dare she be happy? You hate her. You don't hate her. You hate yourself for wanting to hate her.

The party is over. They're all gone. All but your sister, who is unlit on your couch. And she, who claimed your bed. She keeps her eyes closed and the calm breath makes you think she has fallen asleep. So you stand there, watching. Recording every detail. Because this is the last time she'll be in your bed. This is the last time you will be able to watch her sleep.

— Ka… — she calls, startling you. Your heart is racing as if you've been caught doing something terrible. — Lie with me... — she asks. Her voice was shy and choked by sleep. You think about saying no. You need to say no for the sake of your sanity. But your feet move on their own and your body acts of its own accord and you lie down beside her. And you watch her, so close, so beautiful. And she opens her eyes for a second, and she smiles for you, just for you. And then she falls asleep. But you don’t. Because being so close to her makes your heart beat faster than it should and it's impossible to sleep like that.

* * *

It's the rehearsal dinner and you have to make a speech. And you're nervous and your hands are sweating and you just want to run away, disappear, vanish. But you can not. Because she is counting on you and you can never let her down. Then you get up. And talk, talk and talk. You don't hear yourself, you don't hear anything. And when you finish speaking, there is silence. And you think the silence will never end, but it never really existed. Because everyone is applauding. Lena hugs you with tears in her eyes. you think it's just a rehearsal dinner, no one should be this excited. Especially you, who also cry.

* * *

The big day has come and you have a ball in your stomach. Everyone runs to and fro. Your sister is already drinking and taking advantage of Andrea's friends. You find it comical. Because only she can be so calm on a day like this. She sees you passing by and shows you her tongue, like a child, and you laugh. Really laugh like you haven't done in a long time. And you show your tongue back. And she laughs and you love her laugh. You love her.

— Lena…? — you say in a low voice. Pushing the door open. Lena is standing in front of the mirror. Wearing the dress, the one you helped choose. And she looks even more beautiful than she did that day at the store.

— Hi — she smiles, looking at you through the mirror. She calls to you with her hand and you go. She spins and the dress spins. She's perfect. — How about it? 

— The most beautiful bride I've ever seen — you say. Sincerely like never before in your life. And she laughs. And it is the most beautiful and perfect smile in the world. And you love that smile. And you love it owner.

— Are they for me? — she points to the flowers you carry. And you hesitate for a second, but deliver the flowers. — Thank you, I love yellow tulips — she smells the flowers, genuinely happy.

— I know — you smile. And you enjoy the moment. Enjoy Lena happily in her wedding dress with a bouquet of yellow tulips in her arms. And you realize that it doesn't hurt as much as before. And you actually smile for the second time in a long time.

— What are you doing here? — Lena speaks. But it is not with you, it is with someone behind you. And you look in the mirror and see Andrea standing at the door. And she wears a wonderful dress. And she is so beautiful, so radiant, so happy. — It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding — Lena scolds her and then kisses her. And you are grateful to have your back to them. And thanks for your reflection in the mirror to have covered the scene.

— What beautiful flowers — Andrea smiles. — Who gave you them? — then Andrea's eyes meet yours through the mirror. Andrea already knows the meaning of the yellow tulips. She knows why you gave it to Lena. Andrea's smile dies, as well as yours too.

* * *

— I accept — Lena says placing the ring on Andrea's finger.

— I accept — Andrea says placing the ring on Lena's finger. And the two kiss and the church celebrates and this time you don't turn your face away.

* * *

It's time for the toasts. You have to speak again. But you are okay, you can do it. And you speak. Not the same as last time. No. You say something better, bigger. And everyone applauds you. Lena hugs you again and brings tears for different reasons. Completely different reasons.

— All these years, and you never said anything? — Andrea appears beside you. She changed clothes, and is wearing a full suit. It remains wonderful. Andrea follows your gaze to where Lena is, and for a moment the two of you just exist side by side admiring the beauty of the other bride in her three-piece suit sliding down the dance floor with her older brother.

— When I thought of saying something, someone arrived first — you look at Andrea and smile at her. Really smile. — And I just couldn't compete with such happiness — you are sincere. And Andrea knows. And Andrea smiles at you and you like her smile, you like her.

— Lena is lucky to have you as a friend — she says. And you nod your head. Even though the lucky one to have Lena as a friend is you. Because she is wonderful and you love Lena and you love being her friend.

Andrea holds out her hand, asking for a dance. And you accept. After all, she is also the bride. And you don't say no to a bride. So you whirl around the dance floor. Laughing loudly. At some point Lena joins you. At some point Andrea was gone. At some point it's just you and Lena. And you dance so close to each other. And your heart is pounding, but not so hard.

* * *

You lie in bed, exhausted. The longest day of your life. The tears fall. You do not prevent, there is no reason. They need to fall. And after a while you sleep. And you dream, the most beautiful of dreams. And when you wake up, you smile. Because it is a new day. And you are less sad. Almost happy. And this is a great start.

  
  



End file.
